ER Saga ending...

I have watched ER since the beginning. I started watching it with my mom on Thursday nights. I remember thinking this is was emergency rooms is like, having never been in one and being only 14 at the time I thought why wouldn't this be realistic. I loved the characters both doctors and the patients, some of them are more memorable then others but...like any show.

I cried when Mark Greene died, when Carol meets up with Doug in Seattle with the twins, when Carter was attacked...there are so many moments. I know some fans stopped watching when the originals left, but I was hooked on the show and now 15 years later I am still an avid watcher. I will try to avoid going anywhere or plan it early enough that I can be home to watch ER. Side Note: A friend of mine in High School used to call me every night to chat and I would hang up on him, until he caught on, at 9pm on the dot when the opening scenes started. I needed uninterupted attention to Chicago's County General Hospital ER (I tried a couple of times to stay on and talk while watching but it just didn't work). He learned and just called earlier;). If I couldn't get out of not being there I recorded it faithfully. I remember coming home and getting excited at the prospect of watching to see what happened at County.

As I mentioned there are so many of my favorite scenes and storylines that it's hard to come up with one, so I will try for Top 5.

#1- Hands down favorite episode as well as the saddest is the episode when Dr Mark Greene dies. He was the heart of the ER, he got it done with compassion though some may not say that all the time. He worked with a brain tumor! He was so dedicated that he lost his first wife to his work, it took the brain tumor to see that life was too short. I loved that he was in his favorite place as a kid, he tried to teach Rachel how to surf and how to drive before he passed. He was with his favorite girls, Ella, Elizabeth, and Rachel. I still get teary eyed when I hear that song, that version at least, of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow". Then to close the scene with all the County staff reading the letter that Elizabeth wrote letting them know he had passed. Dr Carter tried to carry on like Dr Greene would have, but in his own way. And so the torch was passed.

#2- Abby and Luka's wedding, a great episode. Another tear jerker for me, so much emotion, it was great to see Abby being as girly as she can get. I do remember thinking it pretty funny that Luka was more emotional then Abby was. Unfortunate ending but turned into a great line for Neela.

#3- Carol finds Doug in Seattle. I think that's all I need to say about that one, the realization that she can't do it with anyone else but him.

#4-Pratt dies...I was bawling again. He finally get around to being the man he has wanted to be and take that final step of commitment with Bettina, and he was becoming chief of staff for the ER, a role that his mentors probably would have never guessed would have guessed him to be able to commit to such an undertaking but he grew into the part totally. He stepped up as he had to do throughout, it just took a bit to humble him to make him better for the part.

#5-Kem and Carter lose the baby. All the episodes that deal with this, the actual labor, the seeing him and saying good bye in the NICU and finally saying their goodbyes as they scatter his ashes. It also showed the emotions they had for each other and even though they deeply cared for each other they knew that it was going to be a tough road as they both dealt with the death.

Which I guess sums up why I loved ER so much, they had a way of bringing everyday topics into everyones eyes, whether it affected them directly or not, it got you thinking about what everyday people go through. It was always a provocative show which tugged at every viewer and fans heartstrings and therefore bringing them back to watch every week. It seems silly but I felt like I knew the characters personally, I knew what they felt in their worst moments in their finest moments, the whole spectrum. That is what I will miss about ER.

It's just good music if you can feel it in your soul...Aimee Mayo Et al

That lyric has been stuck in my head since I first heard it on the Set This Circus Down album of Tim McGraws. That lyric says exactly what I feel about music, I have been a music lover as long as I can remember, there has always been a radio on. I thank my mom and Aunt for introducing me to music, they were the ones that started the foundation of musical love for me. My mom had this yellow 79 Mustang that only had AM radio so all I knew was "golden oldies", the stuff my mom listened to when she was growing up, I was like 4 I didn't know there was other music out there...yet.

I have a list that goes on for miles of favorite songs and bands that I love, in all genres of music as well. I have always been a general fan of something with a good beat, or a line I can sing along with. Here's a sampling...the most important and influential.

Brown Eyed Girl-Van Morrison, this has been a favorite of mine since I realized that was the closest color to my eye color and the song is totally fun to sing. Now whenever I hear it I also think of one of my favorite movies (that's a whole nother post) "Sleeping with the Enemy" with Julia Roberts, she is dancing in the theater department with the cutie!

Fancy-Reba McEntire, this was the first country song I heard and I actually liked it. Helped that one of my favorite people introduced it to me because it was her favorite song, my stepmom Mitzi. This song, to this day makes me think of her and what an amazing woman that Fancy became, stood on her own two feet and made something respectable for herself. Women Empowerment!

Indian Outlaw-Tim McGraw, by the time I heard this song I was warming up to country, I had always thought it was twangy and sob stories, conjured images of Dolly Parton-esque women. I heard this song and fell in love with the voice, and ultimately became an enormous Tim fan. After this song I was hooked, and country music was added to my collection, and has never left.

Only Want to Be with You-Hootie and the Blowfish, this song was another one that I heard the voice and was hooked. I listened to this song and I wanted to be that person for a boy, I wanted to be the girl that a boy wanted to be with, and never let go. I wanted that fun love and romance. To this day I hear this song and think of the summer that I first heard it and the crush I had on the boy...wonder where he is now?

You Oughta Know-Alanis Morrisette, this song was another empowered woman song for me. This song made me think, you never let a man take advantage of you and you are strong enough.

As I mentioned the list goes on for miles. Songs stick with me if they have a good beat that I can move to, it makes me happy, or the lines of the song strike me, either philosophical or just hits the nail on the head kind of sentiment.

My favorite comment a person has made about my love of music was my best friend Hillary, we were walking to class one day in college and I burst out into a song, she replies "You have a perpetual jukebox playing in your head at all times don't you?" I laughed because it was funny, but also because it was true. There is always some song playing around in my head. I am attracted to music, it's always on my mind!

So it's been a while since I did this, and I think the reason is that I haven't felt like I have had something profound to say and that's what I think this is, a place to put down your thoughts so that others read them. Well there seems to be only one person that ever reads this and that was just by luck I think that she found this site. I haven't shared it with anyone else because I haven't felt like it was something worth sharing.

I feel like I have all these thoughts I want to get out of my head but when it comes time to actually writing them down it never comes out. I wanted to start writing for the therapy of it, to release the energy that I use up stressing about stuff but it seems like so much work to get it out there. Everything seems like too much work for me lately. How did I become so lazy? Then again I have never been one of those totally gung ho people that has to be on the go all the time. My favorite pastime is actaully sitting in a mall or bar watching the people go by. I had a friend in MN that would sit there with me and make up stories about their lives. Haven't quite found the right place for that, here, not to just sit and watch. The Mall of America was one of my favorite places for that.

That's all I got for today...while writing this I came up with a couple ideas, so maybe like once a week....

Da Dat Da Da....

Why are girls obsessed with getting married? How did it become that it was another one of those rites of passage that a woman want to get married? And why does it become sooo contagious...I have a little sister getting married soon, a bunch of friends that have recently and one that just got engaged last week. Now all I have on my mind is what I would like for my big day. I have been thinking (plotting, planning) of things that I want to make my day special and have a list a mile long. I have been with my boyfriend for over 5 years so we keep getting the "So when are you two getting married?" and actually have been for a couple years now. I thought I was likely to be the next one to be married seeing as I have been in a relationship longer then my next oldest cousin that is single, but my little sister is beating me to the punch.

I am in love with the whole idea of planning everything, planning it to be one great event that everyone will have a blast with. The up and down side to getting married after everyone is that I can see the things that didn't work out but then my ideas or colors have the chance of getting stolen before I have a chance to use them. I have started a list of who I want favors I like, cake designs (which I struggle with seeing as I don't like cake), dresses for me and for the girls. I have teased that I can have the whole wedding planned in a matter of 6 months all I need is the ring. Someone once mentioned that well why don't you just ask him to marry you if you think that you are ready for it, I guess I am still old fashioned enough to want the boy to ask me. And in my case, I asked him out so it's technically his turn to do the asking....

A Purpose

I was reading another blog the other day that started a thought process in my head. I have thought about this before but never got anywhere...haven't again so far so that's why I am putting this out there.

I have realized that each person has one innate talent that tends gives them a direction in life, some people are very annalytical so they become inspectors or accountants, some have amazing talents in the creativity of anything and everything they tend to become artists. I have struggled with what I am REALLY good at what my innate talent is, this could be why it took me so long to decide on a major in college and make any decision for that matter. I chose politics for the interest and the subjects intrigued me. I got out in the real world and realized that I wasn't talented enough to be ruthless and care about every single move I made could affect me down the road someday. Since the political field was what I had been striving for and working towards for three years I was stuck with what to do without it.

How does one realize what their purpose and innate talent that is to guide them throuhg life is. I feel I have alot of talents but not one specific on that has been able to guide me through everything. I pull on all the talents I have acquired...

Creativity - my mom taught me to be crafty and see things in how can I make them better and for cheaper.

Frugality/Spend-Thrifty-ness - I put on a budget at a young age and taught that money needs to last you as long as possible.

Organization - Again mom taught me that if I am organized I will be able to find things faster then if nothing has "it's own place". (Dreaded it at that young age but it has helped me work through tough spots in my life to go back to organizing everything..thoughts, money, etc.)

Strength/sounding board/listener - I have been that person that people turn to for advice and to be the person they lean on. Has also turned into a Mother Hen sort of character as well that I am the one that makes sure that everyone else is happy.

I don't know why this is bothering me but I have been thinking about it for some time and trying to figure out what I was put here for and the goals that I am to acheive in my time on this earth.

The Stress of it all...

I know that I am a very lucky girl having had 4 parents to help me out whenever I have needed any sort of help. And I wouldn't change that at all for the world, each of my 4 parents have helped mold me into the woman I am today.

What makes me think of this is that I had 4 parents and now am down to 2, the original two that brought me into this world. This is what I dreamed of as a little girl that my parents would be together again and we would be Krugers...well I don't think that's going to work out that way this time. I am still the missing link that connects these two people to each other, but I am now also the support system for them. I just lost my Stepdad, Jeff in the end of 2006, Mom's partner for almost 25 years. I am now the child keeping my parent's in line so that they don't come completely unglued. I knew that it would happen someday but I never thought I would only be 26 when it happened. Not that either one is a convalescent or anything like that but they are both without that supporter that has stood by their sides for 20 some odd years and now that person is gone.

I was talking to my cousin about it the other day and he mentioned that it's in our Kruger-nature to take care of our family even if it means that we get left out or forgotten, we are ones that will always and forever put Family FIRST. I have always felt that way but right now I feel pretty drained by the very thought of it. I have told people what has happened and they all say take care of yourself too while you are taking care of your Mom and Dad, but I don't know how to do that. My whole world seems to revolve around taking care of someone else other then me. The only thing that I can think of to console myself is buying something, and then when I think of that I think what the hell are you going to do with that in 6 months. Or it triggers something else, then there is a spa day or something like that and that conjures up thoughts of do I really have the money to be doing something like that?? That is too frivilous for my budget.

I know that I have an amazing groups of friends, as my parents do too to rely on but I don't know what to ask them to help me with, if I can't figure out what I want then, how am I supposed to ask for help with it?

Holidays are here again...

It's something about this time of the year that gets you thinking...about everything. About those you love, changes that have happened throughout the year, things you want to accomplish in the new year, and for some thinking about their faith. I know that the true meaning of Christmas was lost loooong ago, sad to say for some but the businesses that are able to finish their year off in the black.

My boyfriend is one of those people that hates celebrating holidays that have become as he calls them Hallmark holidays...meaning that they are only celebrated so that Hallmark and other stores have an excuse to sell a product to the poor saps that buy anything because it's a "holiday". This is why we do not celebrate Valentine's Day, and I have to actually go out an get cards to for Mother's/Father's Days. I agree with him to a point but I also like the fact that we have that day to celebrate all that our parents do for us. There is a website that cracks me up www.holidayinsights.com it lists events and holidays for everyday of the year. November is listed as being National Peanut Butter Month?? Really a food needs to be celebrated nationally?

I digress. The point I wanted to make is that this is the time of reflection on what has happened and the plans for the future that is so closely upon us. Cherish your loved ones, tell them you love them as often as possible, work on being the person that you want to be everyday instead of a certain time of the year. I know that's easier said then done, but if you start now the more likely it is to catch on...well maybe it gets pretty hectic with the holidays. I am trying to think about it everyday at least once, I send out my love to all that I love even if it just a thought, my thought is that they sense it and get that warm fuzzy feeling, even just for a moment.

Happy Holidays to you and yours! Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Happy Belated Thanksgiving!