A Purpose

I was reading another blog the other day that started a thought process in my head. I have thought about this before but never got anywhere...haven't again so far so that's why I am putting this out there.

I have realized that each person has one innate talent that tends gives them a direction in life, some people are very annalytical so they become inspectors or accountants, some have amazing talents in the creativity of anything and everything they tend to become artists. I have struggled with what I am REALLY good at what my innate talent is, this could be why it took me so long to decide on a major in college and make any decision for that matter. I chose politics for the interest and the subjects intrigued me. I got out in the real world and realized that I wasn't talented enough to be ruthless and care about every single move I made could affect me down the road someday. Since the political field was what I had been striving for and working towards for three years I was stuck with what to do without it.

How does one realize what their purpose and innate talent that is to guide them throuhg life is. I feel I have alot of talents but not one specific on that has been able to guide me through everything. I pull on all the talents I have acquired...

Creativity - my mom taught me to be crafty and see things in how can I make them better and for cheaper.

Frugality/Spend-Thrifty-ness - I put on a budget at a young age and taught that money needs to last you as long as possible.

Organization - Again mom taught me that if I am organized I will be able to find things faster then if nothing has "it's own place". (Dreaded it at that young age but it has helped me work through tough spots in my life to go back to organizing everything..thoughts, money, etc.)

Strength/sounding board/listener - I have been that person that people turn to for advice and to be the person they lean on. Has also turned into a Mother Hen sort of character as well that I am the one that makes sure that everyone else is happy.

I don't know why this is bothering me but I have been thinking about it for some time and trying to figure out what I was put here for and the goals that I am to acheive in my time on this earth.

The Stress of it all...

I know that I am a very lucky girl having had 4 parents to help me out whenever I have needed any sort of help. And I wouldn't change that at all for the world, each of my 4 parents have helped mold me into the woman I am today.

What makes me think of this is that I had 4 parents and now am down to 2, the original two that brought me into this world. This is what I dreamed of as a little girl that my parents would be together again and we would be Krugers...well I don't think that's going to work out that way this time. I am still the missing link that connects these two people to each other, but I am now also the support system for them. I just lost my Stepdad, Jeff in the end of 2006, Mom's partner for almost 25 years. I am now the child keeping my parent's in line so that they don't come completely unglued. I knew that it would happen someday but I never thought I would only be 26 when it happened. Not that either one is a convalescent or anything like that but they are both without that supporter that has stood by their sides for 20 some odd years and now that person is gone.

I was talking to my cousin about it the other day and he mentioned that it's in our Kruger-nature to take care of our family even if it means that we get left out or forgotten, we are ones that will always and forever put Family FIRST. I have always felt that way but right now I feel pretty drained by the very thought of it. I have told people what has happened and they all say take care of yourself too while you are taking care of your Mom and Dad, but I don't know how to do that. My whole world seems to revolve around taking care of someone else other then me. The only thing that I can think of to console myself is buying something, and then when I think of that I think what the hell are you going to do with that in 6 months. Or it triggers something else, then there is a spa day or something like that and that conjures up thoughts of do I really have the money to be doing something like that?? That is too frivilous for my budget.

I know that I have an amazing groups of friends, as my parents do too to rely on but I don't know what to ask them to help me with, if I can't figure out what I want then, how am I supposed to ask for help with it?