I haven't had many people in my life that have left me, I have been lucky in that respect. Those few people that have left me have seemed to make more of an impact on my life since they have left then when they were here. I guess I took them for granted when they were here that I would still have time to grow with them and learn more about them. I think the lesson was learned...live each day to it's fullest and make sure that you tell all your loved ones that you love them whenever you get the chance...every day.
My Uncle Ardie was the first one to leave, he had an accident at work and it was such a shock he was soo full of life and such an exuberant person, not to mention my favorite Uncle so that made it even more impacted in my life. His daughter is like the big sister that I never had, we fought like sisters even though we were cousins I think it was the age thing we are only 15 months apart and we spent soo much time together when we were younger that we couldn't help but think we were more then just cousins. I can still see my uncle sitting in his spot at the bar, he was the greeting you got when you entered their home. He always had a flannel shirt, blue jeans, white socks, and a Pepsi, that is the image I have of him whenever I think of him. He had this insatiable giggle, just hearing this little kid giggle come out of such a BIG guy made you laugh. My cousin is now a Mom and I think of how great he would be with those little kids of hers, especially her little boy Jayden (also my godson!) the games those two would play.
My Grandma Val was one hell of a woman, I knew that she was strong to raise two girls on her own after my grandpa died, but the stories I heard after she passed made me realize even more that she was an incredible lady that stuck to her guns. She stuck to what she knew best her family, she was the epitome of a matriarch of the family the sun rose and set on what she thought, don't get me wrong my mom and aunt may not have thought that but when I look back on their stories she was the final say in everything. She was one of those strong silent type, wasn't a gossip or anything like that but even in the silence you knew what she wanted you to do. I look to her for strength when I feel like I don't have enough, she was in my thoughts when I thought things were too hard in college, just the thought of her beaming with pride helped me though whatever problem I was having.
My Opa, another one of those strong silent types. I, not until recently, had no idea who my Opa really was, he was just Opa. I knew he was my Dad and Aunts and Uncles' dad, but for some reason I never thought of him in that way he was my Opa. He was the only farmer I ever knew, when I was 8, I was a city girl so I didn't know too many farmers, he was the first Pickup I ever rode in, I remember that Blue trick with the bench seat and the fabric that itched when you sat on it with shorts. I had never heard stories of how Opa was as a Dad until recently when I have been able to spend more time with my dad. He still was that strong silent type for him but it was different because it was his kids, when he was an Opa he sometimes came across as a grumpy old man, now I realize that he was just trying to lay down the law that he was the Law on the farm and wasn't anyone going to tell him differently. But those moments when all the kids and grandkids were home and on the farm were some of his greatest times.
The hardest person to let go has been by far my mom Mitzi. She was so young and so full of life, she had plans and dreams of things that she wanted to do. There have been moments when I feel like I should have done more to please her and make her wishes of me come true...she wanted to see me have grandkids...started asking me to give her a grandkids when I was a freshman in College. She just loved babies and wanted one to play with...she once offered to come and live with me for a month after I had tha baby. Even though I wasn't dating anyone at the time, that didn't seem to phase her at all. She was technically my Stepmom, but she was soo much more then that to me, she was like a big sister, I could tell her things that I wouldn't tell my own mother. She was the one who got me things that I wouldn't buy myself and my mom wouldn't get me. She left so early that I still miss her everyday and talk to her almost every day. She was such an influence in my life that it's still hard to imagine her not there for Christmas, our birthdays, and the hardest will be the upcoming wedding of her little girl Shena.
I know that we all deal with loss, and that's just it we have to deal with it and get on with our everyday lives. Sometimes we forget that we have other people not physically there that support us and help us with our every day lives, we all need all the help we can get. We miss you all.
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