I know that I am a very lucky girl having had 4 parents to help me out whenever I have needed any sort of help. And I wouldn't change that at all for the world, each of my 4 parents have helped mold me into the woman I am today.
What makes me think of this is that I had 4 parents and now am down to 2, the original two that brought me into this world. This is what I dreamed of as a little girl that my parents would be together again and we would be Krugers...well I don't think that's going to work out that way this time. I am still the missing link that connects these two people to each other, but I am now also the support system for them. I just lost my Stepdad, Jeff in the end of 2006, Mom's partner for almost 25 years. I am now the child keeping my parent's in line so that they don't come completely unglued. I knew that it would happen someday but I never thought I would only be 26 when it happened. Not that either one is a convalescent or anything like that but they are both without that supporter that has stood by their sides for 20 some odd years and now that person is gone.
I was talking to my cousin about it the other day and he mentioned that it's in our Kruger-nature to take care of our family even if it means that we get left out or forgotten, we are ones that will always and forever put Family FIRST. I have always felt that way but right now I feel pretty drained by the very thought of it. I have told people what has happened and they all say take care of yourself too while you are taking care of your Mom and Dad, but I don't know how to do that. My whole world seems to revolve around taking care of someone else other then me. The only thing that I can think of to console myself is buying something, and then when I think of that I think what the hell are you going to do with that in 6 months. Or it triggers something else, then there is a spa day or something like that and that conjures up thoughts of do I really have the money to be doing something like that?? That is too frivilous for my budget.
I know that I have an amazing groups of friends, as my parents do too to rely on but I don't know what to ask them to help me with, if I can't figure out what I want then, how am I supposed to ask for help with it?
1 comment:
If it helps... You seem like the most put-together person I know. I can't imagine a more take-charge kind of gal who really loves her family. You are the glue. Some people are like that - they are the people who keep their families together and meeting and in-line. We have to have those.
I feel like a total jerk for never hanging out with you. Do you want to plan something for after Easter? We'll go to Freakmont! We're there every weekend, anyway. Our church is there. You're welcome to come with us on Saturday nights - if you ever want to!
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